Posts tagged parenting

Every mother does it, as I discovered today while sitting with almost-11-week old baby Jack in my arm’s with his petted lip looking up at me. A mother beside me cradling her 5 month old daughter with a gaping wound in her head.

“What happened?” I asked. “I forgot to do up the straps on her pram and as I was bumping it down the stairs she fell out and hit her head” she replied with a red face.

Every mother has had a moment like this and as we sit there thinking we are the most stupid, awful, selfish, idiotic mother in the world; so is the woman next to us. 

However, I would caution you to what you say down the telephone line or in front of your health professional. Once they think you aren’t coping they won’t leave you alone. Not very long ago I made a little mistake with Calpol and my toddler (that’s infant paracetamol) and gave a larger dose - nothing serious but I did have to ring NHS24 (that’s the emergency helpline for those outside the UK) to ask if it would harm her at all. The reply was no but they did forward the details to my General Practitioner and the Nurse (Health Visitor) who is in charge of looking after my daughters health. Now I can’t shake them off and they seem to think “I’m not coping”. 

When I mentioned to the Health Visitor when she came here last I was getting a private tutor for my daughter to make sure she started school next year and I wanted her to take music lessons, I was accused of “doing too much” and “putting too much pressure” on myself and “expecting too much”…what on earth is the woman on about? I’m posting letter and making a few phone calls at the moment. Should I be bedridden? And anyway, the tutor will be coming here. I don’t have to travel. And the music lessons are at a hall in town. I go have coffee while trained professionals take her for an hour of my Sunday afternoon- brilliant! I’m not feeling pressure here, I’m not taking on too much…don’t feel like I’m doing anything at all actually. 

Long story short:

• Take a first aid course for babies and children up to puberty
• ***DIAL 999/112/911 (OR WHATEVER) IF YOUR CHILD SHOWS NO SIGNS OF LIFE: NOT BREATHING, NO HEARTBEAT, GOES LIMP, GREY/COLD COMPLEXION.  
• If in doubt call your mum first, she knows best and she managed to keep you alive.
• Keep your trap shut unless it’s serious and you think there is something wrong with your child in the long term that needs to be addressed. Don’t go pointing out that you dropped a half empty bottle of shampoo on his/her head last night or that you left him/her alone with your toddler and found that they’d been removed from their bouncy chair and were being pulled along the floor by their feet. You might get a laugh if your Health Visitor is liberal but chances are the vast majority will look at you like you are a maniac and phone Social Services!
• Unless you are genuinely suffering PND then try to stay away from the NHS. Enjoy your baby away from them. Baby clinics are for immunisations and weighing babies. And in my humble opinion, because I really don’t care what anyone says- I think health visitors are a barrier in the Health Service between patients and Doctors. Nurses are needed in the wards…end of story. 

I’d just like to point out that I like Nurses a lot, a whole lot. It’s nothing personal. 

***Always use your bloody common sense. Try to learn first aid but if you child is in danger get in touch with medical services without delay to save your child’s life. Every moment counts so never wait. 

(PS, I’m too tired to check this over before publishing as its 11pm but I do look forward to seeing how horrendous it is in the morning. Goodnight folks!)

Dear Jack,

You will be 11 weeks old tomorrow and you are such a very clever little boy that you rolled off mummy’s bed and landed flat on your face. I got such a fright I ran straight to the doctor with you because mummy has such a high bed (two sodding mattresses). You were completely fine and had calmed down by the time we got there although I could have used a cup of tea and a few Diazepam.

To make up for it I’m taking you for some Professional Pixie photo’s tomorrow, just like your big sisters set. I’ll get you a lovely wee outfit to wear and hopefully we’ll get some lovely shots. 

Love,

Mummy. x

She’s not doing it to irritate me. She genuinely isn’t on the same page as me. I say to her “Evie, watch Jack for a minute while mummy runs into the kitchen to put dinner out” and she does, but take it into her head that she can have fun with her baby brother. She decides that her brother is toy, a rolly one that she can roll all around the floor like a ball or a kind of drum that she can beat with a soft toy (she’s never whacked him with anything hard to my knowledge). 

Now, of course I hear the hysterical shrieks of the 10 week old (who by the way now weighs 13lbs and 11oz’s- the size of most 6-9month old babies) and dash back in under 5 seconds to see what she’s done. I pick up the baby, check for any serious damage and calm him down. Then it’s down to business. “Naughty step right now young lady!!”

After around 5 minutes I bring her back up the stairs and sit her on the couch and the conversation is as follows:

Mummy: Do you know why you were sent downstairs just now?

Toddler: (sniffles and sobs) Because you you you you sent-ed me downstairs!!!

Mummy: Yes, mummy did. But WHY did mummy send you downstairs? what did you do wrong? 

Toddler: I did a bad thing? (sobs and splutters)

Mummy: Yes you did a bad thing with your baby brother. 

Toddler: I want a cuddle! I love my brother, can I hold him? (sobs hysterically)

Mummy: Honey, look at mummy and calm down. Deep breath! (toddler takes a long deep breath and stops crying) - Jack isn’t a toy, don’t roll him around the floor ok? (toddler nods) and don’t hit him with the dollies, be gentle with him. He’s a little baby. We have to be careful with him ok? 

Toddler: OK mummy I love you and I love Jack. He’s my best friend!!

I think the above demonstrates several key points about toddlers:

• They don’t do it to piss you off; it’s simply a good idea at the time.
• They didn’t mean to do harm at all. 
• They can’t quite grasp the concept of punishment which is why I’m against the use of physical aggression. It’s pointless. 
• I don’t believe in sibling rivalry. I believe in jealousy but if you treat your kids equally then why should they be rivals? 

The closest my daughter and I have ever gotten to being on the same train of thought is when she was picking her noise and I said:

“Digging for treasure there Captain?” and she replied “Aaaargh shiver me timbers!!”

I read to these two as often as I can. Bedtime is usually the best time because it sends them both off to sleep with the sound of my voice, they have my complete attention and they have something nice to dream about. Even as young as my little man is (8 weeks) his little brain is developing so fast the sounds and pictures help him to associate colours with noises and images. My toddler is simply entertained by enchanting tales. 

The above is a firm favourite for my toddler Evie but even baby Jack liked the rhythm. 

I decided to get rid of my TV from my living room/dining room and make it a room that was for learning. We have a Digital radio and CD player to listen to kids CD’s. My ultimate goal is to have her counting, saying her ABC’s without prompting and maybe telling the time. I’ve started trying to explain the seasons but we live in Scotland and she has yet to experience anything but winter. 

Damnit you are so cute!

My Toddler calls the baby ‘Jack-Jack’ 

“Because it’s so nice we say it twice” 

- She’s so damn cute sometimes!